Posted by: dianaiannarone | October 13, 2016

Vulnerability Creates Connection

vulnerability

Many of us fear being vulnerable, yet we didn’t start out that way. Vulnerable is exactly what we were from the moment we were born. A constantly loving and nurturing environment creates in us a sense of security and allows us to own the knowledge that we are worthy of love precisely as we are.

Yet, no one can escape some harm in our lifetime. Harm can be as simple as an unkind word or being told we are wrong or behaving improperly or something far more violating. The level of the perceived harm will dramatically impact our willingness to continue being vulnerable.

Even the best parent will fail at times to give us what we need, either because of their own wounds, life circumstances, or simply not knowing what we need. In those moments that are in contrast to love and acceptance, we often begin to make new decisions about life. Reformulate our belief system to reflect what our present circumstances seem to be teaching us.

If we learned early on that it is not safe to reveal our true feelings, many of us stoically go through life, never letting the depths of our heart and soul show. We have decided it is not safe to announce our hurt, our fears or even our love. Yet it is from that hardened denial of ourselves that we miss the whole point of why we are here.

To connect in love deeply with each other.

Vulnerability, creates connection.

Without vulnerability relationships remain on the surface, having very little substance. No relationship can have depth when there is not a safe place to reveal our true selves. Everyone longs for their place where they can be fully accepted and loved as they are, for who they are, wounds and all.

Sadly, many never venture to their vulnerable places, often because of times in their life when they chose to be vulnerable to someone they believed they could trust, only to have their vulnerabilities used against them for harm.

Once we experience betrayal, or something different than the embrace we hope for when we show up as we truly are, we often begin to adapt ourselves to become who we think we have to be to be loved and accepted.

It is in those moments we give up ourselves.

We begin to move from our loving heart to our mind, trying to THINK of the best way to be loved and accepted. We think our feelings and avoid our heart, for we perceive it is either too tender or too hardened to endure more suffering.

In truth, rather than withhold our vulnerabilities, rather than hiding our pain, fears or depth of love, we should reveal them. Of course any relationship requires some time to establish trust, yet so often when people want to share more of themselves, they fear sharing because they fear they may lose the relationship. The person might leave, or might not love what they see. However, in time, vulnerabilities will be revealed. And once you show your vulnerabilities, the greatest most powerful benefit is that you get to learn who the person you are entrusting is— and if they are deserving of the depth you are offering. Someone’s response to your vulnerabilities defines them not you. And the sooner you can know who you are in relationship with, the better off you are.

Most importantly, you need to believe what you learn in that moment. Either that this person loves you enough to stay, comfort, discuss and grow with you, or they don’t. It will tell you, all you need to know. And that answer will drive you deeper into relationship or confirm that you may not be in a safe place. Of course we all have moments where we might not have behaved or responded as we wished, and if we desire connection, then we must take responsibility for those actions and adjust according. However, a pattern of behavior that shows we are not safe, is that, a pattern, and you cannot demand that it change, as you already have the evidence that it won’t. Don’t stay where you are not safe. You owe it to yourself to be free.

Most times, the outcome is what you knew to be true at some level even if you weren’t yet ready to accept it. This is true whether the outcome is good or bad. The hard part sometimes in both cases, is accepting it. Accepting you can be loved that much, or accepting that someone could disregard your emotions that harshly. Almost like you are an object.

Someone that loves you, loves you through your vulnerabilities. And if someone will run from you, or worse, use your vulnerability against you, find that out now, not years from now. This sacred connection is too important to delay. Don’t hide yourself for too long. We are meant to live in love, free to be transparent and to reveal the depths of ourselves. It is only when we can feel the true fullness of life and the liberation that comes from just being who we are, that we can feel intimately connected to each other and a bigger Universe.

Your vulnerability only leads to destruction if it is placed in the hands of someone that chooses not to value you, or is incapable of doing so. Either way, keep being vulnerable, trust your inner knowing and keep being courageous enough to reach for deep connections.

Wake Up to how you’re operating from past hurts, Stand Up for your non-negotiable qualities and Live Free into your next reality.

Life is not meant to be a struggle, and healing from harsh forces is a beautiful, gentle awakening to the one limiting core belief—the red thorn—that can be gently released (not extracted).

Cut Your Root of Captivity.


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