Posted by: dianaiannarone | May 28, 2014

Sociopath or Narcissist-Who cares? Get out!

If you want to create the life you want, you may have to move away from what you don’t want…learn the signs!


Responses

  1. AFTER WATCHING THIS VIDEO, I BECAME PHYSICALLY ILL. SEEMS LIKE SO MUCH WORK FOR ME AHEAD AND I AM PHYSICALLY ILL, HAD A STROKE, HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AS WELL AS FINANCIAL BURDENS. I NEED HELP TO BEGIN…

    • Donna, physically ill also acknowledges the truth for the perhaps the first time, before that we are in denial. Unconsciously believing that which is not true to avoid facing a reality that may feel too hard to face. I am not a doctor, but all those pressures you endured in silence, or at least to no avail…intensified your life and your body. I am a big fan of Louise Hay. She has a book that has been out forever called “You Can Heal Your Life.” She has a dictionary, if you will, that discusses each of our ailments and the potential emotional cause. I want you to realize that you can change your life…the first thing you need to do is consider that part of what made it so hard was, without your awareness, you continually and consistently have tolerated the INTOLERABLE! How do I know? Because of the level of angst I can feel in your words. Sometimes, to be free, we have to let ourselves acknowledge our vulnerability, that we can’t do it all, that we need help. And most of us that are a victim to this kind of abuse have HIGH self confidence, we are get it done people. We can take care of it all, there is nothing we can’t do. The perpetrators know that and use us for that benefit. And we are giving with an open heart, and our lack of self-esteem allows us to be so focused on THEM and their needs, we ignore ourselves.

      Now is the time to turn your focus on you, for the very first time, turn your focus on you. JOURNAL! It is liberating. Rip up the pages if you are worried about someone seeing. It is best for 15 minutes in the morning before your day is altered by events. I do a free consult if you would like, with no obligation attached, or get my book…or just keep watching videos and reading articles. But do not decide there is no way out and your are trapped, quite contrary, your life is about to begin.

      According to Louise’s book:

      Stroke: Giving Up. Resistance. “Rather die than change.” Rejection of Life. The new thought pattern: Life is change, and I adapt easily to the new. I accept life-past, present and future.

      High Blood Pressure: Long standing emotional problem not solved. The new thought pattern: I joyously release the past. I am at peace.

      Now what I know is those new thought patterns likely feel very far from your current reality. But the first step is to allow for new thoughts, even if they feel false…but you desire them to be true. Your mind is a powerful creator, and it is unavoidably connected to your body.

      Please remember how valuable you are. It doesn’t matter how old you are or where you have been, freedom is available. Trust, begin to turn inward. Breathe deep. You deserve the air.

      If you look back over your life, you know that at some level you knew…now just trust that knowing, and begin to give yourself the life you deserve. If you write me, always check spam for a response, sometimes my email pops in there because I have links on my email. Try and embrace the idea…that a new life is achievable. Remember, resistance to change helped create where you are. You got this!

  2. Hello,
    I have been asked to give up my present life and to trust and follow the person I love but who could be a sociopathic narcissist.

    I see some of his abuse and emotional sadism (he likes to use words and sometimes unpredictible actions) but choose to forget and abandon myself. Sometimes at nights when i think about the situation i am scared and feel badl that I have betrayed myself. I am addicted to him and codependent. I do know that his actions are unthinkable. (But how did he live with his ex for 20y and still be good friends with her? May be this is normal…)

    Even soi feel that i would like to follow him, be with him and trust the dream because I feel so good when Im with him with higher hihhs and lower lows.

    What to do?

    Kind regards

    Oxana

    • Your words seem really clear that you know the truth of who he is and don’t really like what you see. I say this because you know you are addicted and codependent. In any situation where you know you are engaging in something harmful (no matter how enjoyable moments might be), there is only one answer…set yourself free from it. Remember to love yourself enough to not do something that diminishes you, your spirit, your soul.

      His friendship with his former relationship could simply be necessary for her, perhaps they have children I don’t know. But know that they are illusionists, so what you see may n ot be the truth.

      You have betrayed yourself if you feel you have. You deserve HONOR! I might encourage you to buy my book Me and My Shadow on Amazon. If you type in my name it will come up. I can do a free no obligation consult if you want. If you would like to do that inbox me with some times for late next week. Good luck!

  3. I just want to thank you for your insight. You have no idea just how much even this one video has helped me realize that I’m not crazy. I see you as a hero right now. Thank you so much.

    • Nikki, I so appreciate your kind words and I am glad that the information I provided has helped! You are not crazy…unfortunately there has likely been a great deal of effort utilized to lead you to believe you are. Instead, trust yourself!

  4. My ex and I broke up on Boxing Day 2014 and I am trying to process what happened to our relationship as well as what has happened to me. I’ve decided to write this post to get feedback and insight as to wether I was in a relationship with a covert narcissist.

    Five years ago I met the man of my dreams. He was kind, giving and took very good care of me.
    My daughter adored him and my family and friends told me repeated how lucky I was to have him in my life. He was not only kind to me but I was attracted to the fact that he did acts of kindness for others. Everyone that new him considered him to be a very good man.

    The relationship started off very quickly. Although he had a home in the same city, he moved in after about two weeks of dating. That was a bit of an adjustment for me but I loved his company.
    Within the first year of our relationship I became ill and had to have major surgery. My ex was very supportive through the entire ordeal and nursed my back to health.

    It was soon after I felt better, that I started to notice something was wrong but I thought that it must be in my head because after all he was such a good man. We went on a trip to Vegas and he insisted that he would keep our boarding passes and passports on him so that I wouldn’t loose mine. One night after we got back I went to the theatre with my girlfriends. When I returned home the house was decorated with candles. I thought this meant that we would have a romantic evening together but that was not to be. After I praised him for his effort, he went into the kitchen and proceeded to read the weekly flyers. I also noticed that he would take objects out of my hands. By that I mean I could be drying dishes and he would take the plate from my hands and finish drying it or I could be chopping vegetables and he would take my knife and finish the job. My ex had complete control over the shows we watched on TV . I used to call the remote “the man wand”. If there was something I was interested in watching that he did not want to watch I had to do it in the spare room.

    My ex started to criticize me over things such as repeating myself, not leaving the bedroom door wide open, dying my hair, wearing makeup and what I bought for him as gifts. I never knew what mood he would be in when I got home from work. His favorite phrase was “I love you but you drive me crazy”.

    I also noticed that he started to be critical towards me in front of his family. He admitted being rude to me but when I asked for an apology, he walked out on me. As he was leaving he told me that even my daughter does not love me. He felt he needed to leave and think about wether or not he wanted to stay in the relationship.This was devastating and I felt that there was something wrong with me. How could I have turned someone so caring into a hurtful angry man that no longer wanted me. I must have driven him to this. So a day later I begged him to come back. He did and the relationship continued.

    Not too long after that, my ex bought an all season cottage. The idea was that he would sell his home, I would downsize and we would spend our retirement at the lake. We had a wonderful summer fixing it up, meeting great neighbors, and enjoying visitors. I spent a lot of time cleaning and decorating. I noticed that he was spending most of the week there while I was at work in the city. When I told him that I missed him he responded by saying that “there was nothing to come back to the city for”. I asked him to explain his statement as I thought that us being together was important. His response was “I didn’t mean it that way”. I didn’t question it any further as I knew there was still work to be done out there before winter. However, that statement really hurt me.

    While I was in the city and he was at the lake we texted each other. I would end the text with I love you and he would end his with hugs and kisses. That bothered me since he gave everyone hugs and kisses. When I expressed my feelings about this, he told me it meant I love you to him and the hugs and kisses continued. Our sex life was almost nonexistent since he would not allow me to touch him. If I did he would tell me not to pet him like a dog and he rarely initiated sex.

    It was Christmas of 2014 when I realized that I could no longer be with this man. We had Christmas at the lake with our families. Christmas Day went without a hitch or so I thought. It wasn’t until the next day that I realized he broke a piece of furniture that I loved. I asked him if he did it to hurt me or make me mad and his response was YES. I asked him why but he could not give me an answer. He responded “I don’t know, get over it, and don’t wreck the day. I will fix it but not today. If you are going to be mad then go back to the city”. I packed up my things and went home. He came back to the city the same day and moved his stuff out. His last words to me were ” I’ve loved you, I still love you but we can not make it work”. I was left devastated not understanding why this man that everyone things is wonderful would have done this on Christmas. What did I do to make him brake something he knew was important to me.

    To add insult to injury he texted my daughter right away and told her we parted our ways. I was very angry that he did not allow me to tell her and that it was done through a text. On Valentines day this year he went to my daughters house unannounced to deliver an envelope which included a receipt for my winter tires, a gift card to my daughter’s and my favorite restaurant and mad money for my daughter. He wrote her a letter which he ended by saying “I miss you and your mom, take care of each other”. We have had no contact with each other since he moved out and I am planning on keeping it that way.

    Why was I with him? Because everyone we knew thought very highly of him. I believed that everything was my fault and things would get better if only I would change. The funny thing is that I am by no means a weak person. I am a widow that has raised her daughter on her own. I have a wonderful career that helps me afford the better things in life. I have have very good friends that consider me to be a strong person. He was wonderful and at the same time cruel.
    What I could never understand is that he always admitted his cruelty but never apologized for it. Instead he became angrier or he would walk out and I was left confused questioning myself.

    Sent from my iPad

    • It is so difficult to make sense of nonsensical things, although we want to. I tell people to stay away from labels because it doesn’t really matter if this man was a narcissist, a sociopath, or what label might be attributable to him. More than anything what matters is how you felt when you were with him. Of course the honeymoon phase is always beautiful, but I can’t know for sure if the turning of the tides were just life happening or he is disordered (I am not a doctor)…what I can say is feeling that you have to try harder, or it is your fault, or you must have made him do what he had done seem to indicate you are a likely candidate for someone that will mistreat you and I am sorry for that. It also sounds though that you are now seeing that is not fair to you, and incorrect and you deserve better. You are never responsible for the behavior of another person. THEY ARE responsible for themselves. Of course some of his behaviors seem to fit the mold. To me the biggest thing is what I call incongruence. It is when their behaviors and words simply don’t match up. Their behaviors are always where the truth rests. His never apologizing, his blaming you…these are all things you don’t deserve. Also, the decision to be done with the relationship on a dime. Healthy relationships have communication. Communications include owning what we may have done wrong, and if it is always you, it is likely NOT you! I encourage you to get my book (Me and My Shadow on Amazon), or send me a note at Diana@redthornsolutions.com and we can set up a free no obligation consult. The goal being, you don’t ever want to land here again. You need to be clear on just how valuable you are. And you are.


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